I decided to post the most personal thing I've yet to write.
My idea at first was to use haiku imagery to detail the abuse from my mom's boyfriend for most of my childhood. I sorta drifted away from that a bit at times, but there are at least 5 solid sections that follow this.
I also submitted it for publication to Metazen. This is my first time doing something like this. I really don't know how that's gonna go. I guess I will find out, hopefully by tomorrow afternoon.
Anyways, here's the poem:
Golem by Reprobus
My mom cries sharply
from the room across the hall
as a slap rings out
I am eleven
He shows me a Hustler
asks if I want it
My sister jerks back
Fingers weave into her hair
and tug forcefully
I am twelve years old
He shows me a bag of coke
asks if I want some
A welted hand print
stains mom's left cheek, dark and red
moist from quiet sobs
I am thirteen now
I scream STOP as he hits her
calls me a faggot
PTOOEY! spit flies
snot drips down my sister’s face
She sinks to the floor
I just turned fourteen
when he calls me a pussy
in front of his friends
His hand knocks her face
My mom's top teeth become gapped
Her lips swell and bleed
Halfway through fifteen
He beats me more frequently
because I'm a bitch
From over the phone
"I'll fuck your daughter's asshole"
He says to my mom
years slowly
reel out like this
My family broken
by the man who took my dad's place
Still
when I was 15 in the hospital
it was his name I cried for
and not my dad's
and it was then that I realized
I am just like my mother
and to this day
I don't even know
who I hate more
the man who left me to die
or the man that did the killing.
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